


My Taeminnie

by xoneworldx



Category: SHINee
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Homosexuality, M/M, One Shot, Romanticism, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-22
Updated: 2015-03-22
Packaged: 2018-03-19 00:57:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3590289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xoneworldx/pseuds/xoneworldx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>By just the sound of your voice, you somehow always managed to make me smile.</p><p>It’s moments like these where I wish I could just freeze time. To be frozen in time like this with you…would make me forever content.</p><p>“I love you, my Taeminnie.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Taeminnie

“Hyung!”

I turned around to see who called and saw you running towards me with that infectious smile plastered on your slim face. In just mere seconds, you instantly brightened my depressing and blue day, and I could feel my frown turn into a grin that probably looked very dorky.

By just the sound of your voice, you somehow always managed to make me smile.

*~*~*~*

December 9: My nineteenth birthday. It was just the two of us in the heart of Seoul, walking together with our hands intertwined to keep them warm. We had stopped in front of the city Christmas tree and you were gazing up at it with sparkling eyes.

“It seems to get even more beautiful every year,” you whispered softly, smiling appraisingly. I took this moment to approach the small stand in front of the tree where there were small slips of paper and pens. I took two of them and handed one of the papers to you.

“Let’s write down a Christmas wish,” I said. You smiled excitedly and began writing in your pretty penmanship. I smiled to myself and uncapped my pen.

I wish for Taemin to understand just how much he means to be and sees the special place in my heart for him.

We finish writing and place our wishes on the tree to hang among the many others.

I take your hand once more and we continue to walk along the bustling streets.

*~*~*~*

It’s finally spring, your favorite season. We lie together on the lush, green grass in the park, listening to the birds sing. I look over to you and take in the beautiful features of yours that I can never get enough of. You’re eyes are closed and pieces of your dyed auburn hair are in your face, resting on your smooth, pale skin. You look so peaceful. It’s beautiful.

You’re beautiful.

It’s moments like these where I wish I could just freeze time. To be frozen in time like this with you…would make me forever content.

*~*~*~*

“Minho, I need to talk to you,” you say, anxiousness showing clearly on your face. I nod and let you take my hand to take me somewhere more private.

“Is something wrong, Tae?” I ask, showing concern.

“No. I just…I need to get something off my chest…”

I nod to let you continue.

“We’ve known each other for such a long time, and you’ve always stuck by me even through the tough times. You’re my best friend and I trust you completely. You’re a wonderful human being and I often think of what I could have done to deserve you as a friend,” you say. You look at our hand that are still clasped together, and smile softly. “You’re always on my mind, even when I don’t want to think about you. We’re always together and we always seem to have a wonderful time, even when we are doing anything. We always seem to understand what we say to each other, even when words aren’t being exchanged,” you pause to take a deep breath.

“I never want to be apart from you because I don’t know what I’d do without you. You’re the reason my life is worth living. I love being best friends with you, but I’m not satisfied with that anymore. I’m tired of just being your friend. I really like you, Minho, and I hope you can understand that I want our friendship to become something more,” you finish. Your head in bowed and your shoulders are shaking, and I feel drops of water falling onto my hand. You’re crying.

It pains me to know that I’m the source of those tears. Tears aren’t befitting for such a beautiful creature like yourself.

I cup your face with my free hand and raise your head to look at me. The image of your watery eyes glistening up at me with tears trailing down your cheeks makes my chest ache.

“Taemin,” I start, “I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve an angel but whatever I’ve done, I’m glad I did it. To have you in my life brings me pure joy and I don’t know what I would do without you.”

A few more tears escape your eyes and I catch them with my thumb.

I take a deep breath as I continue on, “I’ve had strong feelings towards you for a very long time. I have a very special place in my heart for you. I suppose I should do this properly…”

You look at me confused but you freeze when I kneel down before you, taking both your hands in mine.

“Taemin, will you be my boyfriend?” I ask, staring into your brown orbs, silently trying to convey all my emotions for you through my eyes.

Your face turns bright red and you look away. “Y-You don’t have to a-ask like it’s a p-proposal,” you stutter, flustered. I can’t help but chuckle from your cute embarrassment.

“But I am proposing. Proposing that you’ll be my boyfriend,” I say.

You laugh and sniffle, wiping your eyes. “Well, when you put it that way…”

I can’t express my happiness at that moment, but I do know this: You’re perfect.

*~*~*~*

“Here,” I sing, placing a bottle of banana milk on your desk.

You see it and smile gratefully. “Thanks, hyung!”

“Anything for you.”

*~*~*~*

We’re at the park again, this time in the pond looking for pretty rocks. The water is up to our shins and it’s cold but neither of us seems to mind.

“Ah! Hyung, this one is so pretty!” you gasp, holding the small stone up to my face. It’s almost in a heart-like shape, and it’s an odd purplish color. I’ve never seen a purple stone. ”It’s a heart.”

“That’s the Taeminnie stone,” I say. You look at me with your head tilted to the side, your eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “Because Taeminnie is my heart.”

Your eyes widen and I believe I’ve just killed you with my sappy line.

“W-well then…I guess—” you start but I cut you off with my lips pressed against your own.

You don’t hesitate to entangle your fingers in my hair and I wrap my arms around your waist.

Perfection.

*~*~*~*

It’s dark and raining and you refuse to stand underneath the umbrella with me, and I know it’s to hide the tears streaming down your face. I want to hold you, protect you in the safety of my arms but you don’t want to be held. You take the rose in your hand and place it on the headstone before you whispering, “I love you” and “I’ll miss you”.

In memory of  
Lee Sun Ja  
January 5, 1965—April 13, 2009  
Loving wife and mother.

I can’t relate to the feeling of losing a mother but in this moment, I wish I could for your sake. I wish I could do something to help ease your pain, or say something like, “It will get better in time,” but I know it won’t and I just wish I could something, anything to help. But for now, I just kneel down beside you and wrap you in my arms, and say my silent goodbyes to the woman who brought you into my life.

Thank you for raising a beautiful son. We’ll all miss you. I promise to take care of Taemin for you. Rest in peace.

That night, I hold you in my arms and let you sob into my chest until you fall asleep.

*~*~*~*

It was a busy day at work and by the time we flip over the “Open” sign to the “Closed” side on the café door, I am so ready to go home and sleep the entire weekend.

I say goodbye to my coworkers and exit the café, and begin walking home. It’s cold and burry my hands in my pockets to keep them warm. As I’m walking, I pass a florist shop and a bouquet of flowers catch my eye. They’re sunflowers. The ones you love so much. I notice the lady inside is just about to close up so I hurry inside and ask for the bouquet. I pay for them along with a yellow ribbon, and then quickly run home to the apartment we share.

I walk inside and head straight for the kitchen to search for a vase. I clip the ends of the stems on each flower and place them in the water and tie the ribbon around the vase, fluffing the bow I made.

I smile proudly at my gift to you, and head to bed, almost too excited to feel sleepy.

I climb in bed and wrap my arms around you and instantly relax into my embrace, humming approvingly. I stroke your soft hair and kiss your soft cheek before closing my eyes, relaxing into the pillows. It doesn’t take long for sleep to take me.

When I wake up the next morning and head to kitchen, I find breakfast already made on the table. It looks so delicious it makes my mouth water. I notice the vase of sunflowers is still on the table, but now there’s a cup of coffee beside it.

I jump slightly at the feel of slim arms wrapping around my torso, but relax when I hear your voice ring.

“Thank you for the flowers.”

I smile and turn around to face you, bending down to kiss your pink lips.

“Anything for you, my Taeminnie.”

*~*~*~*

“I want a kitten,” you say completely out of the blue, surprising me.

“Hm, I don’t know…you couldn’t even take care of that fish we had a while back,” I said. I didn’t really want a cat. It requires money to take care of and in all honestly, cats actually scare me a little.

“Yeah but that totally wasn’t my fault,” you say defensively, referring to the dead fish.

“You forgot to feed it.”

“Because it’s a fish and it doesn’t let me know it’s hungry.”

“That’s because fish don’t communicate with humans.”

You look down at your lap for a few seconds trying to come up with a convincing argument.

“A cat will let me know when it’s hungry. I’ll take good care of it, I promise,” you beg, looking up at me with pleading eyes. You look really cute but I refuse to give in. I really don’t like cats…

“Paweeeeaaaasee, oppa?” you say, adorably and batting your eyelashes.

Yeah, that pushed me over the edge.

I guess we’re getting a cat.

On my way home the following week, I was walking home from work and on my way home, I came across a box on the sidewalk. I couldn’t believe what was inside.

I small, snow white kitten peered up at me with big round eyes.

It instantly reminded me of you. I couldn’t pass this up. Just the thought of you fawning over this kitten made me excited to bring it home. I picked it up and gently held it in my arms protectively and began walking home.

And when I got home, your reaction was everything I expected. You were so excited, giggling and smiling at the kitten. You held it close to you and kissed its head. After a few minutes of basking in the newness of your gift, you looked to me with one of your beautiful smiles.

“Thank you, hyung.”

*~*~*~*

It was our six-year anniversary of being in a relationship together. Six wonderful years I got to kiss you until you couldn’t think. Six years of making you smile. Six years of holding you in my arms. Six years of perfection.

We were sitting at the table eating the delicious dinner we made together, and I couldn’t help but laugh at the cute way you ate your pasta. You had somehow managed to get the sauce on your cheeks and the tip of your nose. Without warning, I stoop over the table to kiss it off. I smirked at your red face and gave you one last chaste kiss on your lips before sitting back down.

We finished our meal and wasted no time in making our way to the bedroom, where we made magic happen.

Our night of love and passion came to an end all too soon. Your face was glistening with sweat and your hair was a mess, and so was mine. We held each other, basking in the afterglow of our lovemaking.

You kissed my cheek innocently and whispered in my ear, “Happy anniversary. I love you, Minho-hyung.”

“I love you, my Taeminnie.”

*~*~*~*

For the next few years, I got you wake up with you, live with you, love you, fall asleep with you…I wished I could live like this with you forever. I told each other, promised each other to be together forever.

Forever was cut short all too soon.

*~*~*~*

I was at work. It was the usual busy day. I longed for it to be over so I could see you at home.

But then a phone call came, and I felt my heart shatter.

“Mr. Choi, we need you to come to the hospital. Mr. Lee Taemin was in a car accident and is entering surgery now. The chances of him living are slim.”

I ran as fast as I could, not bothering to wait at the crosswalks. I ignored the yelling and the cars honking. I didn’t care. I needed to get to you as fast as I could.

I arrived and was guided to your room. They said they did all they could for you, but at the time I didn’t believe them. They could have saved you.

I sat beside you, holding your hand tightly in my own, tears streaming down my face and me pleas for you to stay with me echoed loudly in the halls. You were conscious, and it made me glad; glad that you could hear me. Told you I loved you so much and would never stop loving you.

I told you about the first time I met you, and how I thought you were a girl. I told you that I knew we would grow old together. I told you I wanted to get married to you in park and have a small ceremony with just our close friends and family. I told you that I knew how much you loved children, and that I would make sure we get a beautiful little girl. You said you wanted a girl to dress up and bake cookies with.

I told you I have always loved you. I told you that almost had enough money saved up to buy us a small house. We could decorate it with pictures of our family and bright colors. We would paint our bedroom yellow because that was your favorite color. And our kitten, Cat, would sleep on your head. Cat always seemed to like your soft hair.

I could stop crying as I told you I had my engagement ring for you in my pocket. I was going to propose to you today. I took it and placed it on your small, pale finger. I said, we wouldn’t be able to have a wedding in the summer because you’d be recovering, but maybe the following summer.

Your eyes started closing and I screamed for you not to leave. The doctors looked at me with pity and told me they were sorry. I told them to fuck themselves.

You told you I loved you, and would love you for the rest of eternity.

You couldn’t speak but you smiled; that beautiful smile that always brightened my world and made me feel butterflies in my stomach. You squeezed my hand and I squeezed back, and watched you close your eyes. I continued to whisper “I love you”s until you drew your final breath.

I felt my life had ended when I heard the heart monitor ring out a flat line.

*~*~*~*

It was a beautiful, sunny day. I had sunflowers in my hands and I smiled down at them. I sighed as I stood there for hours, just staring at your picture on your headstone.

In loving memory of  
Lee Tae Min  
July 18, 1993—June 3, 2018  
Loving son and fiancé.

It’s been two years since we’ve parted, but I feel like you never left. There are still traces of you left at home. They’re on the bed, in the pictures on the wall, the clothes in the closet. I haven’t touched anything of yours. You father said it was time to pack some of the things though. I told him he could help.

I miss you so much. I’ve been strong. I hold Cat every night and think about you, and sometimes cry until I fall asleep. I know you’re not really gone though. I know you’re still with me. After all, Taeminnie is my heart. My heart isn’t gone yet.

We’re only apart for now, but the time is flying by quickly. Before you know, we’ll be together again. This separation is only temporary. Soon, I’ll be able to hold you in my arms again, and tell you I love you. We can make magic.

I love you, and will always forever…

My Taeminnie.


End file.
